Here I am, 4 days later, after indulging into a handful (or 2) of bugles, a slice of iced lemon loaf from Starbucks (totally worth it) and licking the bowl clean from the first batch of cupcakes I'm making for a little almost 3 year old's birthday party tomorrow. God knows I will be licking the bowl again after the second batch is done, so deal with it.
I have not done so well with this "Cammi challenge" I gave to myself. After day 1 my shins hurt and I refused to wake up to go walking. I did have every intention of going after dinner that night, but other plans came up that involved a visit to hubby's grandmother and when she offered frozen yogurt I definitely did not decline. In fact, I may have given myself a little (lot) too much and then over did it on the toppings. We got home late, so no walk. And did I mention the ice cream sundaes we had for a cool down treat with the kiddos? Yeah, definitely not my finest moment.
The next day, I didn't even think about a walk, I just basically had already given up because in my mind, I already failed and I'm never going to be able to say no to the extras and stay on track. Anyway, the next day, we had a doctor appointment for my 9 year old to start wart removal process. Which I never knew was so involved. My mom came with us and whenever there's a doctor's appointment with grandma we always get ice cream or lunch. Today was lunch, and it was fast food and I didn't say no. I ate it all, got a second fill of my Dr. Pepper and headed home. We spent the afternoon out playing in the kiddie pool and when the neighbor offered me an ice cold Pepsi in the 100 degree weather I again didn't decline. Dinner was the most healthy part of my day, aside from the beer I had on the side. Grilled chicken and salad. I can't recall eating anything after that, but again, no thought of a walk at all, just self hating my body but not caring too much to do anything about it.
Day 3, I slept in as long as I could today before the kids were practically begging me to get out of bed. Sugary cereal for breakfast, leftover chicken fingers from the kids meal 2 days ago, macaroni and cheese and carrots and hummus for lunch. Lots iced tea, some with a splash of vodka, and eggs, ham and hashbrowns for dinner. Oh, and a Milky Way for a snack. So not as terrible, but definitely some poor choices were made. But again, I was out in the sun most of the afternoon being a good mom and neighbor and I actually enjoyed it so whatever. I had every intention of having another ice cream sundae before bed but after getting a fighting toddler to sleep I was exhausted and vetoed that idea.
Which brings us to today. No walk, I'm seeing a trend starting, breakfast was a mocha frappacino from Starbucks and a chocolate iced doughnut. Lunch was curry, with lots of white rice. Snacks, see back near the top of this post. Dinner will be shephards pie (ground beef, manwich, green beans, instant mashed potatoes and cheese).
I know this is all about the food I've had but that's all I have to go off of this week from my so called challenge. I haven't checked my weight. After the awesome day 1 I was done 1.5 pounds but who knows now, i'm too scared to look after seeing this all written out.
I'm sad, sad I don't try harder, sad I can't say no, sad the cravings outweigh the sadness I feel when I look at myself in the mirror. I'm sad I can't afford to make the meals I need to, but with such a tiny budget and 5 mouths to feed, making $100 a week stretch means hot dogs, boxed meals and not super nutritious things. I've almost all but given up hope for myself and just hope my kids don't end up like me. Hating how they ended up because their parents never tried. I want to be a good example to them, but I'm finding out the truth about myself more and more each day.
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