Well, that went well

Here I am, 4 days later, after indulging into a handful (or 2) of bugles, a slice of iced lemon loaf from Starbucks (totally worth it) and licking the bowl clean from the first batch of cupcakes I'm making for a little almost 3 year old's birthday party tomorrow.  God knows I will be licking the bowl again after the second batch is done, so deal with it.
I have not done so well with this "Cammi challenge" I gave to myself.  After day 1 my shins hurt and I refused to wake up to go walking.  I did have every intention of going after dinner that night, but other plans came up that involved a visit to hubby's grandmother and when she offered frozen yogurt I definitely did not decline.  In fact, I may have given myself a little (lot) too much and then over did it on the toppings.  We got home late, so no walk.  And did I mention the ice cream sundaes we had for a cool down treat with the kiddos?  Yeah, definitely not my finest moment.
The next day, I didn't even think about a walk, I just basically had already given up because in my mind, I already failed and I'm never going to be able to say no to the extras and stay on track.  Anyway, the next day, we had a doctor appointment for my 9 year old to start wart removal process.  Which I never knew was so involved.  My mom came with us and whenever there's a doctor's appointment with grandma we always get ice cream or lunch.  Today was lunch, and it was fast food and I didn't say no.  I ate it all, got a second fill of my Dr. Pepper and headed home.  We spent the afternoon out playing in the kiddie pool and when the neighbor offered me an ice cold Pepsi in the 100 degree weather I again didn't decline.  Dinner was the most healthy part of my day, aside from the beer I had on the side.  Grilled chicken and salad.  I can't recall eating anything after that, but again, no thought of a walk at all, just self hating my body but not caring too much to do anything about it.
Day 3, I slept in as long as I could today before the kids were practically begging me to get out of bed.  Sugary cereal for breakfast, leftover chicken fingers from the kids meal 2 days ago, macaroni and cheese and carrots and hummus for lunch.  Lots iced tea, some with a splash of vodka, and eggs, ham and hashbrowns for dinner.  Oh, and a Milky Way for a snack.  So not as terrible, but definitely some poor choices were made.  But again, I was out in the sun most of the afternoon being a good mom and neighbor and I actually enjoyed it so whatever.  I had every intention of having another ice cream sundae before bed but after getting a fighting toddler to sleep I was exhausted and vetoed that idea.
Which brings us to today.  No walk, I'm seeing a trend starting, breakfast was a mocha frappacino from Starbucks and a chocolate iced doughnut.  Lunch was curry, with lots of white rice.  Snacks, see back near the top of this post.  Dinner will be shephards pie (ground beef, manwich, green beans, instant mashed potatoes and cheese).
I know this is all about the food I've had but that's all I have to go off of this week from my so called challenge.  I haven't checked my weight.  After the awesome day 1 I was done 1.5 pounds but who knows now, i'm too scared to look after seeing this all written out.
I'm sad, sad I don't try harder, sad I can't say no, sad the cravings outweigh the sadness I feel when I look at myself in the mirror.  I'm sad I can't afford to make the meals I need to, but with such a tiny budget and 5 mouths to feed, making $100 a week stretch means hot dogs, boxed meals and not super nutritious things.  I've almost all but given up hope for myself and just hope my kids don't end up like me.  Hating how they ended up because their parents never tried.  I want to be a good example to them, but I'm finding out the truth about myself more and more each day.

So, it's been awhile...

I started this blog so long ago thinking I would use it a lot more.  Apparently not.  But here I am now, years later and something on my mind and since posting 1000 times a day about things i'm sure no one really cares about I figured here was the place to do it.
See, for 2 years now I've been on what I guess you could call a weight loss journey.  A not-so-successful weight loss journey.  I honestly can't recall what weight I started at but I do know at first I did awesome and lost a good chunk of weight by doing the 21 day fix.  (disclaimer, this is not a beachbody, please join me so I can make money thing)  So I did one round of 21 day fix, lost more than I have in a small amount of time and thought, huh, i'll be a coach because in a few rounds I'll be skinny and everyone will want to join me and within a year I'll be making 6 figures and vacationing and living the dream.  That's a whole different story though, back to weight loss.
After the first round I half assed my way through half another round and started eating more non-approved foods, because duh, food, and yes, I have a big food addiction.  So we all know what happens when you eat whatever you want and don't care anymore and back to square one I went.
I've been back and forth between a 15 pound difference for the past year and a half.  I've been told how I should eat, what exercises to do, blah, blah, blah, blah but again, that damn food comes back and bites me in the butt, and it sticks.
After a lot of back and forth, and so much money gone trying to be "the best beachbody coach" and failing, truly failing, I quit the coach thing and all in all gave everything up.
I would occasionally think, okay, this week i'll try again, but we all know how that has gone, especially if you know me.  I have gotten to my heaviest weight, even with being 42 weeks pregnant I am heavier than that.  Do I care?  Of course!  Am I sad?  Some days.  Do I wish I had stuck with eating better and being more active?  Heck yes I do!  One of my times of even trying again, I did awesome.  I got through a month and then all of a sudden, BAM, knee pain.  I was down for a month, and am still having issues.  With crappy government insurance (don't get me started, again, this is for another time) I have not gone to a doctor because all the good ones won't accept me.  So I again completely gave up and told myself what's the point?  I'm who I am, I'm already married and he loves me the way I am so why even bother.  I like food, I can't exercise because of my knees, I am beyond repair so be it.
Then, here I am, now, hating the gut I see, not loving all my decisions and not caring.  So let's try again right?  But this time, I do it my way!  No intense, knee hurting exercises.  No schedule, no calorie counting, no containers and no measuring.  And there will definitely be treats.
I have made a goal to myself, and myself alone to walk every day.  I don't care how long it is, I just have to put effort in and walk.  That's it, if I feel like doing something more, I will, if not, I won't.  Then the addiction, you know, the food one we talked about?  I am just being careful with what I eat.  Smaller portions, more natural, more veggies, and less sugar and carbs, but they will still be consumed, just not in bulk in one sitting.  And keeping up on water, that's kind of a big one for me.
I know this may result in very little results, but I don't care.  It's sort of a test for me and I'm excited to try it.  Little progress is at least progress right?  So in 30 days, we'll see what happened.  Or maybe we won't, with my track record I may just quick after a week and move on.
That is where my typing all this comes in.  I'm hoping by wanting to update and write out results (and I really love writing right now) that I can stay a little more focused.
So today, day 1, I walked 25 min.

I wanted to go longer, but I ran out of sidewalk and my neighborhood isn't that big.  And I had coffee waiting for me at home.  

FOOD!!!

For breakfast it was my typical I want to be better breakfast.  One fried egg, 2 slices of bacon, water and coffee.  Lunch is not pictured, it was a very late lunch, I was very hungry and it was delicious.  It was leftovers from eating out at the Bohemian Saturday night.  Blackberry chicken with garlic mashed potatoes and steamed veggies.  Dinner, salmon, wild rice and brussel sprouts.  Then, my loving husband decided cookies were a great idea, and I had one, then popcorn happened, and I had some, but not a crazy amount.  

I'm not going to lie, I want another cookie, a big fat chocolate bar and some wine.  Wine might happen, but i'm pretty tired I may not.  

I don't know if anyone will ever read this, and that's fine.  It's more for me, and my own amusement.  And who knows, maybe this will be the best thing for me and I will become a crazy famous blogger and make my six figures and live the easy life...or not.  

Not quite the post I was hoping for, but it's an update

I haven't made an update yet since starting on my new journey.  I want to start with I am so happy I did start it and have found that I really enjoy running.  I love getting out and not having to think, just going and clearing my mind.  My sweet dog Hobbs comes with me, he loves it as well.  He does end up getting pretty tired near the end, but he gets so excited every morning when I go downstairs and get my shoes on.
I started pretty slow, and am continuing to work up to getting quicker, but my first week in I ran 4 miles in one day.  I was so proud of myself, and my goal is to do that same 4 miles in better time some day.

Here's a picture of Hobbs and I after our 4 mile run:

Now, for week 2, I only got through the first 3 days, then I got hit with a cold :(  I haven't been out for 5 days and I'm missing it.  On top of it all, my knee has started hurting and I don't know if it's just body pains from the cold or something else.  I'm really hoping it's nothing and that in 2 days I can be back out there.  I started feeling better today and want to take one more day before I get back out to make sure I don't overdo it and hurt my body and lungs.
So all in all, i'm enjoying it, I'm missing it, and hope my next update is a better one.

The healthy eating thing is also going okay.  We have been eating more veggies and fruit, and I'm planning better meals.  It's slowly happening, but I think that's going to be best for us.  We will get there and be the healthy, happy family we hope to be.

New Year, New Beginnings, New Life

It has been awhile since I've posted but I felt like what I had to share wasn't really relevant and even really blog worthy.  I haven't had a lot on my mind due to being a crazy woman with schedules and running around getting things back to the norm after the holidays.  Now, all craziness is pretty much done and I have decided today to embark and a completely different journey that I have never even done before and I want to be able to blog about all of my experiences and progress.  So let me first start with my resolutions for this year before getting into my great new plan.
This year I would like to be more positive and yell less.  I am a yeller, big time.  I'm not proud of it, and I have been known to break a drawer or two and put a couple holes in walls to let frustration out.  This will be challenging sadly for me, but I'm already seeing improvement, aside from my crock pot shattering on my front porch from my sweet daughter trying to help me out ordeal.  I was not happy, and I have made my apologies where necessary.  I've also bought a new crock pot, and we are all over it now.
Like most everyone I want to lose weight and be healthier.  This has been my goal for many years now and this is my year, and I'll explain that a little more in a minute.
I want to do more service.  Last year I started by trying to do an act of service at least once a week.  That got a little overwhelming as I was pregnant and trying to make my acts of service huge things.  This year, I'm going to go for 2 acts of service a month and if I can do more, great.  They don't have to be huge or even acknowledged by others but I feel it will benefit me and my family to do more service.

So there's the big 3 goals, now, the weight loss and health goal is huge for me especially since i'm at the highest weight I have ever been aside from being pregnant.  I am not happy with the scale and I am bound and determined to change it all.  Today my cousin posted something about doing the American Fork half marathon in June.  I am not a runner, I have never ran in my life, but it also looks quite enjoyable and I've decided to give it a try.  Now, starting with a half I've read is probably not wise, so I then started doing some research and found a 5K in April that I want to try.  I'll train for that, then continue my training for the half in June.  I am really excited and my husband is 100% supportive of this.  He and my kids will be my little chearleaders at the end of every finish line and even on the mornings when it's hard to get up and get out.
We are also trying to start eating a lot healthier, or cleaner I should say.  I took Jack to the doctor for a routine check up and his doctor pretty much laid everything out that most of the food we're eating is going to eventually give us diabetes and kill us.  Now that is a bit extreme but that's what I got out of it.  Basically the FDA is stating that everything put into food is fine and we have nothing to worry about.  But that's what the cigarette companies were saying 50 years ago that cigarettes are fine, don't worry about it and now we have lung cancer and people are dying from them.  I am trying to be more cautious of what we're eating, which is hard due to our habits, but we'll pull through this together and get it done.
I will be doing a lot of updating here with this for my personal need, and maybe it will help motivate someone else along the way.  I will also continue to do other posts along the way but I am really excited about this new goal in my life and I can't wait to see the progress we make.

Here's to a new year, a new beginning and a new life!

The past few days

I know, I know, I've been a slacker in the blogging department.  I am 4 days behind, but last weekend was crazy with Adi's 4th Birthday and then now Christmas just being 1 day away I haven't had a second to myself in awhile.  So I am just going to go ahead and catch up on all 4 days and go ahead and do the last day because that's tomorrow, Christmas Eve, and I can guarantee my evening will be spent with family and other Christmas festivities until late.  So here we go, bare with me.
Day 26: If you had $1,000,000.00 how would you spend it?
  I would pay off all debt, buy a new house with a basement and 5 bedrooms, with a nice big kitchen and a huge master bathroom with a big bathtub.  I would then do some traveling and save the rest.

Day 27:  A problem you have or have had in the past
  Right now my biggest problem is lack of sleep.  I want sleep, one night of uninterrupted sleep would be fabulous.  I can't say that enough, I WANT MORE SLEEP.
Other than this, all my problems are not worth sharing right now because they are typical, stupid problems I think we all have and they are honestly pretty boring.

Day 28:  Something that you miss
  See Day 27 :)
I also miss my life before having kids.  Don't get me wrong, I love having my kids, but there are days I would love to go back and be just us again.

Day 29:  List 10 people dead or alive you would invite to dinner and include the menu
  Oh gosh, I don't know, I do know I would have the hubs make his famous Filipino dish Pina A Po Minok, translated into the sitting chicken.  This is made with a whole chicken simmered in garlic, ginger, onion and sprite for 2-3 hours.  Mmm, it is so delicious.  I don't think I would invite anyone other than family and friends mainly because I'm shy when it comes to new people.  As nice as it would be to have someone famous over for dinner, it would also be very stressful and awkward for me. So let's just stick with my closest friends and family for this one.

Day 30:  My goals for the next 30 days
  I would honestly like to continue this blog the best I can.  I don't know if my topics will be as interesting because I don't have something to go off of, but I'll give it a try.  I would also like to start being healthier, I don't know why this is so hard for me, but it always has been and hopefully one day it sticks.  I would also like to just keep us all healthy and happy, pretty basic and simple, but that's where we are for the next 30 days.

My challenge is over, and I am kinda sad, but hopefully there will be another one out there in the future for everyone to enjoy with me.

Until then MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Someone who fascinates me

I hate to say it but these topics seem to be getting harder for me.  There are a lot of people who fascinate me and inspire me.  I think my biggest one would be by hubby.  He is a hard worker, he works crazy, long hours, his work is hard and strenuous and sometimes he doesn't see us for more than a few hours each week.  But most days he comes home with a positive attitude and a big smile on his face.  It's very rare for him to come home unhappy, and when that does happen, it sucks.  But that's not the case here.  He leaves work where it needs to be, out of the home.  His family time is strictly that and I love that.  My job may not be what his is, but I let it get to me and it affects my mood.  I'm always tired and I admit I let him know it all the time.
I think we can all learn a lot from him to just live your life and love it.

Favorite Movie

Today I'm supposed to tell you about my favorite movie.  I have many favorites and really can't think of which one is my absolute all time favorite, so we'll just go through a few of them because that's how I role.

Earlier in my 15 facts about me post I said that I love anything with Audrey Hepburn in it, which is true.  But my favorite Audrey Hepburn movie is Breakfast at Tiffany's.

My sister in law introduced this to me years ago and that's where I fell in love with classic old movies.  This is my go to movie when Bryce goes away for an overnight camping trip and I put the kids to bed and sit with some ice cream.

This is my favorite comedy.  I can never get sick of this movie.  I know all the jokes and punch lines and just about every line at that, but it still makes me laugh just like I am watching it for the first time.  

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

The all time classic Pride and Prejudice.  If I have a weekend, which never happens anymore, I pull out the full 6 hour version which I absolutely love.  But the newer version is just as good and Mr. Darcy is just handsome.  

There you have it, I love movies, don't get to see them as much as I'd like to anymore.  Kids have limited our date nights drastically and so I just stick to what we've got and I'm not gonna complain.